vile ghosts.

"Bitches will always be bitches."

Running

posted on Sunday, May 25 @ 9:57 PM | permalink

Munching on a banana while typing this post HAHAHA I just finished running 5km around the road and my legs feel like jelly right now.

I just started running again recently since I started a detox tea program and thought I should just start exercising as well to maximise the effect of the tea and I must say my weight is finally back under control! Because I've been binge eating so much the past few weeks. Oops!

So I was reading on thought catalog during work the past few days (not that I wanted to slack), and then I came across some articles that I thought is.. my personal feelings and thinkings as well.

The first one was being a fatty kid. So the writer was saying about people asking her what are the secrets to her success, why did she still exercise when she was already that skinny blah blah. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HER. Like perfectly. Even the aunty whose son was my junior in primary school asked me what I did to lose so much weight. Actually I think everyone's answer would be the same: exercise and eat healthy. Like DUH. What else do you think? I took pills? Went to so and so slimming centre? Sorry, but I'm not that rich yeah? The fit challenge that I joined for 2 weeks always say 80% depends on your diet and 20% depends on your exercise. I think for me the most important part would be having the determination to actually exercise and eat healthy. Because honestly, when you're used to eating fried food and all the nice but unhealthy stuffs, are you sure you are determined to touch none or even just less of it for as long as your diet requires?

And then the "You're so skinny already, why do you still exercise so much and eat so little?!" Well, all I can say is that you ain't me so you wouldn't understand the fear of going back to being a fatty kid. And my metabolism rate isn't that high as yours so I have to do extra work to burn that extra calories I took in or I can not work if I didn't take in extra calories! And the fact that I only started being active in exercising these 2 years makes me feel that all the more I should start exercising more. So please stop saying this sentence to me, thank you very much.

Another post by the same writer was about her saying that she doesn't likes her thighs. And I'm like oh my, I hope I have the chance to know this writer some time HAHA. I don't like my thighs either cos it's so much fats I swear. I've been trying like super duper hard at shaking the stubborn fats off but they are like so freaking stubborn that I'm almost giving up already. Sobs. Then after complaining about her thighs, she goes on about saying if it's not meant to be slim like those of celebrities, perhaps the best it can go would be how it is currently. That kinda just made me realised that my legs are good as they are right now and reminded me of what I read on twitter, that it's not a must to have thigh gaps etc etc. So I'm just doing the best I can now.

Oh well, hopefully my efforts wouldn't go to waste and I'm just gonna stop for today! :)

Truth

posted on Sunday, May 11 @ 8:38 PM | permalink

Truth is that I will never stop hating you. Because you were the one who hurt me and still thought that you were the one hurt, just because I suggested the break up.

So, as revenge, I'm telling you another truth. I never love you. I know you never love me too. Cos if you did, you wouldn't be flirting with another girl in front of me, you wouldn't tell me that you're sorry you can't keep away from girls if I'm not beside you.

Truth is you pity and love yourself too much. That's why you think it's really unreasonable of me to want a break up. I guessed your reaction towards the break up and I was spot on. Angry and all. We could have been friends still. If you haven't came up with all the bullshits such as posting on SP Confessions, and if you had just came to meet me to get your jacket.

Don't always think yourself as a victim. I think I was a bigger victim in our relationship, was I not?

Truth is you didn't ask me to be your girlfriend in the face when you said you would.
Truth is you didn't treat me any special from the other girls when you said you would.
Truth is I told you a month ago about my birthday, not just a week or a few days before my birthday.
Truth is you didn't participate at all in the whatsapp chat for my 18th birthday.
Truth is that the present you prepared for me on my 18th birthday was thought by my sister, WeiTing.
Truth is you flirted with girls when I wasn't with you, and even when I was with you.
Truth is you still liked another girl when we were together officially.
Truth is I was just a choice to you because although you do like me, you still like other girls at the same time.
Truth is when I told you I cried in school due to stress and I was fxcking tired, but yet you spent more time with another girl more than with me during the tennis outing. All I had wanted you to do was to just be there for me. But I guess flirting was more important to you at that point of time, huh?
Truth is flirting is just really that important to you because everyone could see how shitty I was after dinner during the tennis outing.
Truth is you probably asked her if she liked you so that you can be happy about it if she really said she does likes you.
Truth is when I told you that I was disappointed at you because of my 18th birthday, and yet you apologised to me because you thought I knew you were flirting with other girls.
Truth is I didn't know you were flirting with other girls. You admitted that on your own. Why? Were you guilty of it? And yet you didn't bother changing anyway.
Truth is I knew what a big flirt you are and I still believed you and your lie that promised me to always treat me special.
Truth is you have no idea how much I really wanted our relationship to last.
Truth is I wanted to shred you into millions of pieces but sadly, that's illegal.
Truth is you're immature. You couldn't accept the fact that we were over. You even had to ask if you can still treat me like I'm still your girlfriend. Dude, there's a big difference between friend and girlfriend yeah?
Truth is I threw your jacket away. Yes, your favorite jacket.
Truth is I threw the bear you brought back from China along with your favorite jacket.
Truth is we agreed to meet on Sunday (or was it Saturday?) so that I could pass your favorite jacket back to you, but you being an asshole, can't even keep this simple agreement because you had to eat lunch with your parents. Will it take hours to walk to the station and then walk back to the stadium? And then you, with your retarded mind, just had to insist that we meet for lunch. Does it look like I can peacefully eat lunch and make jokes with you when you hurt me this much? Be grateful I didn't agree to have lunch with you cos I would have slapped you across the face the moment I see you.
Truth is I'm glad that I've seen your true colours and made the decision to break up.
Truth is till now I still hate you like shit cos I think you owe me a real sincere apology. But no thanks, because you don't know what's the apology I need.
Truth is I know your reaction while you read through this, but you would be thinking nah, it's impossible for her to know, or she's just bullshitting.
Truth is dude, you really have to be a man and stop being a boy.
Truth is I'm sorry for ruining your first ever relationship (actually, not at all) but hey, I had my (un)fair share of getting hurt by you so we're quits.
Truth is I thank god that my first kiss wasn't given to you.

I think I vented enough, but that's not all dude. There's still a lot of stuffs that I had been keeping with me for the past few months. Well, at least I didn't posted on SP Confessions right? No one reading my blog knows you anyways, except my sisters. Enjoy reading! :)